Tuesday, October 4, 2005

someplace beyond myself

sometimes nothing happens and you still feel that a lot is happening all around you but you kind of get confused... you ask yourself... is this really what i want or is it something else ... you ask yourself about the millions of things that you keep thinking about... you try to find out the most important things ... the things that seemingly matter a lot to you ... but then you take a second look.. you take a walk back into the previous moments and you try to understand the choices that you made ... and you find yourself totally bewildered ... and you ask yourself ... did i really make those choices or was it just a blunder ? you ask yourself ... is this what i really want again ? .... and you still do not know the answer ... and all the while the sky is continually turning grey.. and you are holding your breath ... trying to figure out what exactly is going on around you in the world ... you question everything ... and yet you do not know the ansews that you have been looking for so long... you just fail to understand any of this ... you look around and you look above and you look below your feet and its all void ... all empty .. pieces and crumbs of nothingness ... and you ask ... why am I here ? ... the age old quetion that people have been asking to themselves ever since the inception of humanity itself.... to be or not to be ... did i just pop out in the wrong place on the planet at the wrong time ? .... bah ... just figments of never ending imagination ... just minor misplaced blocks of a big jigsaw puzzle... is it all unreal or is there something among all this nonsense that actually makes some sense to anyone ... i don't know ... and i sometimes feel that i really do not want to know either ... i just want life to move on at its own morbid pace... i just want life to take an unknown and uncertain path to someplace that i don't even think about in my dreams ... someplace hidden in my heart somewhere ... my mind being totally oblivious to it.. someplace that i want to end up in ... someplace beyond myself

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