Screened Innocence

Open email to my friends

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:01:00 +0000

A couple of my friends started lifeblob, a social timeline service where you can see how your life intersects with those of your family and friends. Mashable.com is hosting its 2nd annual Open Web Awards(http://mashable.com/openwebawards/home/) and they intend on winning for best 'Niche and Miscellaneous Social Networks'.

They are a great team and with your help they could win this award. All you need to do is visit http://www.lifeblob.com/ and follow these two steps:
1) Submit your email address in the "Open Web Awards" widget.
2) Confirm your vote by clicking on the verification link in your email.

It will only take a second and With your help they can win the award, grow the lifeblob community, and provide more value to users.

Thanks for your help!

Finding home

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 05:54:00 +0000

9:30 AM, Frankfurt Airport, Terminal 1. Gate A 65
It is cold here in Germany. Cold as you imagine the word to be. I have a rather sore throat and am already missing home terribly. I am not sure if it is the illness, the distance or the place but I do not feel good. Not as of now. Lonely is one thing that I hate to feel and that is exactly what I am feeling. A tickling feeling, butterflies in the stomach, a pulsating head or an aching heart – you name it and I have it!

Tracking back a day in time, I was with my girl, my friends and in a place that I am attached to. A rather clichéd remark comes to mind (but as I told someone a few days ago, sometimes at the right moment a cliché is the apt think to say or do) – Sometimes we don’t realize how important some things are to us until they are not around. When the touch-feel-see proximities are violated and the time-space quantum separates you out...

Slowly but steadily, the earnest reality of the moment sinks in and you look around to see people you do not know, to hear languages that you do not understand (apart from the occasional danke and guten morgen)... You start enumerating more than your brain is supposed to process – The philosophical context of the phrase "feel at home", the surreal feeling of almost not existing, how shiny the floor is, the rivets in some of the walls remind you of the "German war machine" that you read about so long ago, the silver foils covering the air ventilation ducts, the fact that more people around you are wearing brown shoes than black shoes - The fragments of moments from the past coalescing with your present in excruciating bonds...

10:09 AM, Frankfurt Airport, Terminal 1. Gate A 65
After being hustled out for check-in all the passengers were sent back to where we were sitting! Efficient usage of space or pointlessness – I am not sure. So here I am, around 20 feet away from where I was 20 minutes ago. Closer to the glass windows which are letting in some sun, I am feeling slightly warm and better. The endless enumeration of the world though, still continues. The sun or perhaps the boredom has triggered a bit more of chit-chat around here and this place seems to have received a fresh inoculation of life!

I can see at least 7 aircraft outside the window, some parked and others being pulled around by tow trucks. And here comes another one landing down. The asphalt, concrete and rubber uniting with an unpleasant screech... The airport vehicles moving up to the newly arrived craft... The smaller vehicles that are carrying officials moving at faster paces, the buses giving way to the vans – Organized chaos!

A silent crane in the distance seems to be staring back at everyone looking at it, reminiscent of its might perhaps. An old broken building lying at its feet, the old consumed to make way for the new... The laws of nature and mankind, instantly evident, almost revealed...

There are more people coming in and this place would now seem to be qualified to be called crowded – or not? Why not? Well simply because even with so many people there seems to be some kind of a wall or may I say some great barrier in an unknown dimension separating them out.

And well the mythical high in the life energy levels seem to have subsided sooner than I had imagined them to. It is almost as silent as it was in my college third year ‘Electronics’ classes. Which I witnessed perhaps just once or twice but it was disturbing to sit in such a silent class!

Nostalgia is just one of the several things wrecking my brains as of now. Wrecking maybe too harsh a word so let’s stick with ‘passing through’... The organized chaos outside of the window continues like clockwork...

The announcements have been made and the journey must continue. On to Seattle for now...

My tilted world

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 21:16:00 +0000

Just a play with colors... Tried to represent the times when I can't see straight and still everything seems fine or even perfect...

Sleep, assumptions and my three big blunders

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:21:00 +0000

There are times when we are forced to look back and spend some time in retrospect. Often such times follow times of great misfortunes or unforgivable blunders. Today is one such day for me. The third time that I missed an important professional meeting/commitment.

The first time was when I was in college. I had gone to IIT Guwahati for a technical presentation and a programming contest. One of the events was a debugging contest. Scheduled at 9 am. I was sleeping and so was my partner. We were woken up by folks who were returning from the contest after finishing it! We ran to the spot and realized that it was 10 minutes to closure. We somehow ended up solving one of the given problems and well that was that...

There was guilt and mockery that followed. I realized that I had made a blunder that I will remember for the rest of my life. I made a pact to myself to not repeat it again.

Four years later, the second big blunder happened! There was supposed to be a high visibility presentation at work. I was given the ownership along with 2 other folks. I assumed that they were taking care of it. On the day of the presentation, scheduled at 10.30 am, I got a call from my manager at 10:15 am - the setup for the presentation was not working! And yet again this time, I was sleeping when I was woken up by the call. Rushed to work and somehow got a few things working but it was nowhere close to what we had planned for... Guilt followed along with apologies... It was a blunder, the second time that I had done it! I thought that it was probably the last one that I will make...

Today, 8th of October, I had an important meeting set up with a friend and mentor in many ways. It was slated for 2 pm. I had fever so when I woke up at 11 am. I thought I will take a nap and then wake up and go. I woke up at 3:15 pm... to realize that there were many calls and messages, missed on my phone! I had slept off... and for too long. I have committed it a third time...

All three times, sleep and assumptions led to major failures on my part. Failures that I hope to learn from and rectify. Failures that have made me look back and think, I cannot avoid them. I will have to find a way to overpower these moments. Find ways to establish a channel to ensure that such failures ring an alarm bell before they happen. And to react in the best possible ways to overcome in the moment that matters and try not to fail others who depend on me...

-Anubhav

Quotes by Me

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:19:00 +0000

"There is a thin line between irrational and pointless"

"If you wait for the fresh green pea whose surface area is a whole number then you will just end up waiting to join Euclid in the afterlife"

"Eventuality is boring. Be weird - Save the world!"

"I thought that I was trespassing the bandwidths and was landing up in someone else's modulated section"

"Ah! Jobs always stink. They are there to pay for the perfumes"

-Anubhav

Puppets - You & I

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 22:08:00 +0000

Sometimes when I hold out my hand,
I grab some air, some dreams,
Some lost speeding wagon from,
The train of thoughts I yield,
And breathtaken speaks to me,
He who has no heart to share,
And he who has shared all of his...
Spared victims of vice, love,
Convicted fairies stand, close,
Holding on to the threads,
That they suspend in ether,
Puppets move, puppets fly,
They flinch and puppets die,
Smeared faces, teary eyes for us,
As they sing the funeral songs,
For the puppet fairies and I,
Hold on to something and hope,
Its not a thread, just air.

-Anubhav

Khoj laana tum khushi ko

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 19:55:00 +0000

khoj laana tum khushi ko apne uss jahaan sei,
hain jahaan par pariyon ke shahro ke jharoke,
aur laana pal mei tum daal kar khushbu bhi,
fir chalenge geeto par hum sawaar hoke...
nanhe raaju ke haatho mei khelta khilaona,
aur tu tina, tu kyu aise baithi hai chup hoke,
chal aa jaa ab hum sunaa dei apni ye kahani,
aur dil ki baatei bol dei bindaas sei hoke...
kya darna hai in logo ki mote chashmo sei ab,
akhbaro ke peeche chupte naraaz ye kyun hoke,
aao poochhei insei hum ki insei upar kya hai,
kyu hai inke aaju baaju rehte itne dhoke...
arre aao lekar khushi ko apne uss jahaan sei,
hain jahaan par pariyon ke shahro ke jharoke...
...

-Anubhav

Tu saraab hai ya dhoka

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 19:55:00 +0000

bada bechain nazro mei khamoshi ka sabab rehta,
na usse bolte hain hum na wo humsei hai kuchh kehta,
kabhi kulfat nahi hoti aqeedat ka toh pairaahan,
jo aansu tham ke rehta tha wo kaise hai abhi behta...
sitamgar tu badaa kaafir bana jaata hai kyun aise,
ki ab aahat bhi hoti hai, toh sannata nahi rehta,
mushtahir hai bada teri ada-on ka bayan-e-gam,
tera khayal-o-zikr bhi sukoon ka hai nahi rehta...
tu aakhir cheez hai toh kya, koi saraab ya dhoka!
khwaabo mei toh aata hai, par nazro mei nahi rehta.

-Anubhav

The other side of the mirror

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:05:00 +0000

A drop of dew against my face,
That shows through the mirror,
I wipe it clean, subtly, slowly,
With the tips of my fingers.
Lingering a moment too long -
Against my wrinkling forehead,
Or least, what looks like mine!
Smeared with stories & days,
Nights full of dreams, lush -
Thoughts and fervid forms,
Engaged in the thoroughfares,
Of the mundane, the nascent -
Silences and forming sounds,
That shape into long held
Memories; Spoken, forgotten.
You becoming you for once,
I being I as only I can be!
Striking similarities - none,
And yet so many to find...
In the world that stares back,
Into my eyes from the eyes -
On the other side of the mirror.

-Anubhav K

I aspire

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:01:00 +0000

A little piece of sunshine,
Or a shady dusk at hand...
I aspire to become me,
While you find reasons
To walk your dreams.
Take a stroll with me,
Run, hide, run, dance,
Take a bit of that chance,
To redeem your hopes,
Cherish your destiny,
Step aside while you do...
For I must walk past,
To the sunrise due east,
The one that I inspire.

-Anubhav K

I have always wanted to be

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:02:00 +0000

Sprightly and ever so brightly,
I leap into the reflection of me -
That holds my hands as free,
As I have always wanted to be!

Streaming forth my thought tunnels,
Is a beam of light, immense,
It its expanse and calidity,
Bouncing on its musical spree.

To find itself across the page,
Just beyond the lucid full-stops,
That make me pause and see,
My blurred form seeking clarity...

Staring off to the other side,
Of the coloured window panes,
I notice the pale, old oak tree,
Its arms extended in a decree -

Calling my name with the breeze,
Asking me to hold retrospect -
Close to my hope, next to my plea,
And to ask myself before I flee...

Away to the world that I occupy,
From sunrise to dusk and beyond,
And I hold my hands as free,
As I have always wanted to be, me.

-Anubhav

The silent boat

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:27:00 +0000

The silent boat
Originally uploaded by iolotusAnubhav

This reminded me of William Wordsworth...

"...
To launch the boat; and with her blessing cheered,
And inwardly sustained by silent prayer,
Together they put forth, Father and Child!
..."

Watering hole

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:23:00 +0000

Watering hole
Originally uploaded by iolotusAnubhav

The Anjuna beach in Goa. Now that's some place!

Hill fort

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:23:00 +0000

Hill fort
Originally uploaded by iolotusAnubhav

Now that's a fort on the top of a hill. Well that and more... the crumbled walls, the stories of the hands and hammers that have struck it over years...

Gliding clouds

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:22:00 +0000

Gliding clouds
Originally uploaded by iolotusAnubhav

Fly away my thoughts, my feelings and my hope...
Fly away to meet me at the other side of the journey.

Solar peep

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:21:00 +0000

Solar peep
Originally uploaded by iolotusAnubhav

Shield your vision!

Mighty for ages

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:19:00 +0000

Mighty for ages
Originally uploaded by iolotusAnubhav

An old tree, standing by itself. It has watched many others wither around itself but it has stood there becoming a part of history, folklore and photographs...

Life breaking through

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Wed, 28 May 2008 21:22:00 +0000

Pencil on paper. (HB and 2B on standard A4 drawing paper)
Depicting the daylight of life as one of my friends puts this scene as. Becoming the greater marvel that we know from the sum total of its parts... Life exclaims and amazes... Life breaks through...

The wooden lady

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Wed, 28 May 2008 19:58:00 +0000

Pencil on paper (HB & 2B on standard A4 drawing sheet).

Depicting the inability of the woman to express her emotions despite the millions of mysteries in her locked up eyes.

Happy blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Sun, 04 May 2008 15:36:00 +0000

So today I managed to hit the "200 posts" lamp-post by the side of the blogging road. Well in the sheer absence of any readers or atleast ones that I know of, I pat myself on the back and say "Way to go!"...

I would take this opportunity to thank the illusion of readers that the Internet creates and that continuously nudges me to write, edit, write, edit and so on to improve on the quality of 'work' that I produce... Over the years I believe it has led to many such incessant rants - Like the one here

Nonetheless, I believe this milestone will probably inch me towards producing more text per day, more photographs per month and some more illustrations. I will keenly follow the interests of my illusionary readers and perhaps try to feed their endless curiosity and want for literary as well as visual arts to satiate the thirst that they build up over weeks, months or years...

So happy blogging it is and hope that it will continue to be so...

The play with light

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Sun, 04 May 2008 15:25:00 +0000

The sun peeping through the clouds hidden behind the silhouette of a tree... That was some moment. One worthy of closing shutter's attention. This is one of the photos from my recent escapades and attempts with the camera as an expression medium. You can look at some others at http://www.flickr.com/screenedinnocence/

She

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:18:00 +0000

She's amazement - I am just the one in awe,
Silly smiles, hands held, eyes towards the sky -
Dreams leading to dreams, hopes held high.
There's more to life, I see, there's more to me,
I realize, when I look into her eyes, silently...
Not blue but just a deeper shade of black,
The one that you would rather be lost in,
But she helps me find my way back to her,
Holding my hands while I say my prayers,
To whatever powers that made us be!
For I know that I couldn't walk the walk,
Or talk the talk with cheeky notes & smiles -
If it wasn't for the wonder that she is...
The good that she inspires, makes me, me!

-Anubhav

Point me to heaven

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 19:30:00 +0000

I stumble and then I ask for the way,
For someone to sway and answer -
To take a moment's pause but for me!
A while and no more is all I yearn for,
Turn for, in my ethereal hinted sleep,
And I hope for someone to tilt -
Their wise head, tip-toe to the edge -
Of the tar road and point their fingers,
Not to the sky but to somewhere near,
And whisper in my eager left ear…
Take that way; Straight to heaven!

-Anubhav

Convergent

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 14:32:00 +0000

Flights of fantasy lead me to an abyss beneath my thoughts,
Layered under my skin, skimpily clothing my vulnerabilities!
Breathless I be or become! Gasping for air when I jump…
Into the hypochondria of awareness, I lie awake and lost.
Looking at the sun outside the window space in the wall -
That I had so earnestly built around myself; My abode!
I feel the warmth glowing inside me, beyond the darkness -
That had so freely smeared itself on my trifle extents!
I see three birds flying gracefully across the calm clear sky,
Turning heads as they drift past each other, silent sarcasm -
The need to win; The greater need to have the others lose!
They float over two flowers as they fade away into the blue,
The flowers basking in the warmth, glowing in a subtle way,
Togetherness, alone in the vast void expanse of silence,
In a brittle moment held together by a little more than hope…
A hundred yards away from the silhouette of a lonely tree,
Overlooking the vivid fading world around its potent self,
And I looking at it, the smiling flowers and the flying birds,
The fading birds, the content flowers and the aging tree…
Then a little pause and I look at my own distant self,
The convergent reality of the moment slowly sinking in.

-Anubhav

The morning sunset

noreply@blogger.com (Anubhav Kushwaha) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:50:00 +0000

From beyond the subtle notes of surreal truth,
A certain dawn beckons itself to manifest…
In the octaves of my imagination or otherwise -
To find itself an abode to dwell and flourish.
Or perhaps to perish in curtained pretence,
With the silks flowing on decaying bodies…
Finding note after note to rest their lies on.
A music springs forth thereof, to be heard,
In the hollow halls of proven hypochondria…
The ilk that forms a cocoon to hide reality,
With renegade scars as the only hints to undo,
That which perhaps cannot be undone now -
That which perhaps must be challenged!
With a question unto the scars once more,
That must tunnel through to reality or such,
With a resolve made with clenched fists,
To no more believe in the morning sunset!

- Anubhav